If it is so, should I just fake it!

Including few other nice New Year resolutions, I also felt God is calling me to be “gentle and quite” (I Peter 3:1- 4). After reading these verse few times as a part of preparing for our 2013 Church retreat. I came to the realization this is it, I should be gentle and quite, this is my main Moto for 2014. Interestingly, I even decide to make a pledge to not wear much jewelry to beautify me but stay with a few same ornaments, until I became gentle and quite. I am this assertive person (aka strong willed). I would be the first person to raise the hand, when the air condition needed to be fixed in the class room with 500 other people. I am a woman with lot of words, lot means lot. I have this strong voice; I could speak without mike in the class with at least 100 people and still be heard well.

Now, I am trying to be quite and gentle, that meant in my dictionary, talking in low voice, using few words, not voicing my complaints to anybody, quickly refusing to take any compliment, and in core let people walk all over my head.

This was hard; really I felt the assertiveness is the essence of my makeup. It is a nature in me that was complemented by family, friends, and students alike. I am pretty sure that it is the nature that even God indent to use for His Glory. I prayed few times, I tried my best to be gentle and quite. But nothing seemed to work. This effort simply produced frustration within me, actually seemed like a battle between my nature and what I am trying to become. Nothing like, when we are trying to break free from bad habit but much more intense. Seemed like, I was trying to fight with who I was, the essence of me, becoming like an alien to myself.

I even said to myself, if it is so, should I just fake it!  That effort was a drama. Even my six month old baby could recognize something wired about the way I behaved. What a dangerous approach?

After that, I had this understanding; I would call it a revelation. My faithful God opened my eyes to the next important word that is sticking to these two words, “gentle and quite spirit”. That word made sense, tons of sense. There is fleshly gentle and quietness, and spiritually.

My creator is not calling me to be fleshly gentle and quiet but spiritually. How I was relieved! In no way I am pro at being quite and gentle spiritually, but definitely seemed logical, it aligned with my makeup.

I am not saying all our calls from God will be logical. As believers we are called to take some bold steps of faith. I am saying God’s call will mostly be logical and align with the tools that He already given us. That call will give peace and faith, not a battle within. More than anything that call will never put us in the spot to fake it.

 Despite so much grace that is needed in this path to become gentle and quite spirited woman. I have confidence; my God will make me an exact person, who He wanted me to be. But for now, I am sure not faking the fleshly gentle and quietness.

God Bless