Truly I love my lacking, I have lacks in my life that I would give anything to get them fulfilled, but in spite of the burning desire to get everything I need, I still love my lacks for the very reason that they keep me depend more on my Creator.
I am a person who loves to have control over everything at least to those things that would affect me, my family and friends but that could very well be my sin sometimes. My Pastor mentioned, “Sin is nothing but missing God’s purpose” I believe God does want me depend on Him for everything small and big, for the stuff I long for and for the stuff I don’t care much.
When my Doctor said, “This is going to be another miscarriage” me and my husband both ego, “what can we do to prevent this from happening again?” You could not believe the answer, “Nothing” the doctor replied coldly (I don’t blame him, how many times can he cry everyday) but you could only imagine the frustration in both of our eyes. I was confused; there should be something I could do to prevent, if not me, then this doctor who has a special degree in doing so, but nothing? The humanity in its sixth sense can do nothing to prevent my misery. Then I realized no, I can do one thing, depend on my God, who knows the count of the strings of my hair and also the name of every star that I see in the sky and I don’t see. I love my lacking that keeps me from sinning against God by self reliance, I love my lacking it reminds me of my humanness, I love lacking more than anything that keeps me depending on my Creator.
God Bless.
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