Angry outburst may not have the power to destroy deep relationships, but it sure erodes the layers and make them look uglier. 

First lesson of my motherhood journey

“Praise the Lord”, this sentence might only express very little of my gratitude to my God for this beautiful gift of life, that He created in my womb, and culminated in my hands now. What a privilege, yes I am a mother to this beautiful, perfect little Girl. If I say, “she is a miracle”, some of my friends might get offended, as they are really fighting for the miracle baby. Five years of marriage, two years of serious trying, two miserable losses, one hospital stay during pregnancy, multiple medications and injections, other than that this was an event less journey. Exhausting labor and beautiful end, oh! Forgot to praise God and thank my anesthesiologist for the magical epidural. Anyways, we named our daughter NESIA- meaning miracle of the LORD. We all agree any child is miracle, ok she is definitely our little miracle.

First few week of my motherhood, even though exhausting, with lots of help, and high rush of my adrenaline, it was super exciting. I couldn't quite get the words to explain the joy of the “new mom”. In the third week this reality hits, my sweet baby got her first flu. In spite of friends saying I am over reacting and my mom consoling it is quite normal. I can quite justify my agony, any mom can relate with that emotion. Your three weeks old baby is coughing every 5 minutes or so, and in the end make some sounds as though it is bothering her so much. It is hard to watch.

As my husband enter into our room after work, I ran to him and trying to hide my tears, said," she didn't sleep the whole night, was coughing every five minutes, I am very scared". My spiritually simple husband (comparatively), held me close and whispered," Even though, she is our little angel, she is a human, and has her own share of sin and suffering, that we can't change".

How I wanted to tell him, how amazingly he touched my spiritually swollen (comparatively) mind by his simple words. How he leads me naturally, what a profound and first lesson in my motherhood is taught in his simple words. But I just instead asked," You don't think I am overreacting, do you?” He held me closer and said, "Absolutely not, we will go to the hospital and check just in case." Rest of the story is our family business.

P.S- Nesia is doing absolutely fine now, what a scary first cold, what a profound first lesson.

God bless.

Knowing HIM

In the pursuit to comfort one of my friends, who is struggling with relationship issues, I dared these words, “Nobody can satisfy you, like our savior can." What a realistic but could be an insensitive statement. She got all defensive and said, “Well, He doesn't talk to me”. I realized the tragedy here, how I felt the loneliness before knowing my God. Many of "Born Christians"(I don’t believe in that, I mean people born to Christian parents, or in Christian families) have so much head knowledge about God, but sadly they don't know God. This wonderful sister prayed, read bible, and attended church from her childhood. She was bit offended by the fact, me not a "Born Christian" counseling her to get to know God.

There is a difference between knowing about God, and knowing God. I am not claiming to know him from the beginning of my spiritual journey as well; it definitely started with knowing about this God, who is One, who gave His life for my trespasses. But definitely now, I know him personally, without a doubt. I can, need to, and want to, know more about him. Knowing Him is what makes the difference. Following are some little strategies, I used in the journey from knowing about him to  knowing Him.

• Understand, We can't go away from the Lords presence as He created this universe that means He is bigger than this universe (it will be like this little baby in womb saying let me get to my mother’s presence, no she is inside the mothers presence, she can't get away)
• Talk to him in an intimate way like talking to a father, don't try to formulate this artificial and emotion less prayers, He is all knowing God, prayer helps US not God.
• In all occasion, read bible as how it applies to you, there must be an application to every chapter, we need to just dig deeper.
• Never believe the lie of the enemy saying, “God hates you or disappointed at you,” but believe the truth from God’s inspired words, He delights in you.
• Always focus on Gods natures like loving, kind, and faithful, rather than focusing on your failure.       

But out of all, know God intimately, I promise you, He will talk to you in a very real and intimate way, in the way He choose to. Just like someone who's close to you. Once we get to that place in our spirituality, many other worldly worries will look much smaller and insignificant. Key to joyful life and eternal assurance is to knowing God’s reality in our life. God bless.

Ten Commandments for a Wife

       I.            Do not anticipate your husband to fill your voids, which is meant for God.

   II.            Pray continually and diligently for your husband, if the enemy failed in tempting you, he will turn to your husband.

III.            Don’t use your Physical intimacy as a weapon or a treat; it is a free and special gift in marriage from the Creator.

 IV.            Celebrate your husband’s victory in public but mourn your husband’s failure privately.

    V.            Let your husband lead without anxiety, ultimately God is the one leading.

 VI.            Submit to your husband completely, this is obeying the sovereign God.

VII.            Respect your husband in your heart and words; it is a choice not a response.

VIII.            Do not treat your husband neither as a son, nor as a father, he is your “HUSBAND”.

 IX.            Use forgiveness abundantly in marriage, you have been forgiven by the righteous God.

     X.            Freely and fully allow him to express in words and deeds, whom God created him to be, so you won’t hinder the ultimate purpose for his life.

The Light that is Brighter

I am an extreme outdoor person, but do not like to go out. Interesting trait in me, I like to spend all my evening standing in my patio close to my door. I really like to always keep my window open, even at night. I loved to sneak a look through the beautiful tree with bright green leaves through that window, sometimes with the moon tweeting through these leaves. But as this morning I woke up, and I peeped through this window, I saw the early morning sun light barely touching our planet.

 

God in his sweet words started speaking to me. He gently called me to get the glimpse of His unfathomable love. Yes, I am blessed with so many loving people in my life, any time I am in need I am surrounded by these people who will spend their time, and love with me without any expectations, but that never filled my heart, I had the void. I do believe God never intended humans to completely satisfy each other, without His influence. When our room gets darker in the night, I cannot see anything out through this window, it seems like there is no outside. I assume this is what happens when we live in darkness, we go through tough time, we are in trails, and we look through the window and find no light. We light up our rooms with the light bulbs; we desperately try to fill our darkness with something similar to God’s love, with mere human love. Remember this light cannot go on forever, and this light is not intended to replace the day light. Even if the glimpse of sunlight touches you, it can over throw this pitiful light emitted through these bulbs (even thousand bulbs). From far, far distance, even during the slight beginning of the dawn, sun light is much brighter than our light bulbs. We clearly see the world; we see that there is something out of this dark room, there is a beautiful outdoor (eternity). When we understand the glimpse of God’s love, it is over whelming, cannot be compared with the love we share in human form. I echo the great apostle Paul’s word, and, “pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge”.

Have a blessed day.

Awaiting Times for Accurate Answers

One trait of me is being curious, really curious. Not about other people’s business but stuff that is hidden from me. I remember those days, when I constantly asked questions to my mom, why do you not permit me to do this, while all other kids in fact can do? Why do you restrict me in this way when this is what I want to do? (In my view It did not involve any harm for me or for anyone else).There are even situations, where I came to the conclusion that my mom loves my siblings more than me or  she does not love me at all. But one constant answer she gave me was, that “I promise you to answer all the questions, when you become like me, young women”. That did not convince me, however fascinated me to become a young women, who will know all the answers to the tough questions. I thought, my mom did not know the answers to those questions or there are no legitimate answers to those questions.

Now one day as I am looking back, what about those questions I asked my mom, she did promise to answer me now. I knew almost all the answer, not by my mom answering, but just by being like her, an adult. Another interesting part is, I don’t have any questions for my mom at all. I laugh at myself, for thinking that my mom didn’t love  me or she loved my siblings more than me, I know that is absolutely not true, that was my immaturity rather ignorance. 

I am frustrated at times by some of God’s so called “Perfect Plans”.  I say, “Really God! What good can happen to me, by having these two miserable miscarriages, with lots of physical and emotional pain?” But God seems to answer me in the way similar to my mom, “I promise to answer you, when you become like me, not mortal but immortal. Not in this world, but when you come to heaven (no, I don’t mean to be God, but mean not to be constrain to this world)”. Now, I am more than convinced, two things that could happen to me in heaven, I will know all the answers myself or I won’t have any questions to ask Him at all. I am telling myself, why bother asking Him any questions, rather just wait until I get to Him. I know we as humans have too many questions. In this world’s standards, many things are not fair or perfect, but we have a choice, to wait to get away from this world and ask those questions to Him, who is the Author and the Creator of all things, or just come to the conclusion that He does not love us, or He loves someone more than us. But the accurate answer ultimately demands some long waiting. God Bless.

How much can God forgive?

I am not sure; if it is a common feeling or specific to me, but I always had a question can really God forgive my “BIG” sins?  Never, quite understood the grace fully, but let me try to portray my newly found understanding of grace with the following scenario. I and my husband were sitting in the beautiful seashore, one tide gently touched our feet; other just moved us to the different directions. Suddenly he took a handful of mud and buried my feet, and as I was struggling to get my feet out of mud, one tide came by my feet, cleansed the mud completely. Can I compare the sand in my feet with the water in the sea? This sea can pretty much clean me as well, if he would have buried me in with the mud. Grace is like the sea, looking from my prospect my feet is buried with the mud and how am I going to get my feet out? But for the sea it is nothing, nothing at all. God’s grace is like a sea, you cannot quite understand how much it can clean, but you can understand your sins are nothing compares to His grace, that He earned by sacrificial death of His son(Jesus Christ).

I also thought what If I was standing far from the sea? Can it wash me? No. I have to be close to experience this cleansing. From our prospect our sins is huge, but in His prospect He can forgive it completely with nothing; however, this cleansing process takes our intentional effort; we have to go next to Him, allow Him to clean us, and believe that He can clean us completely.

Understanding Grace is complex, but without GRACE OF GOD there is no foundation for Christian faith. Let God forgive you, believe He can forgive you, and experience true forgiveness, more than anything after you are forgiven, forgive yourself. God bless.