Awaiting Times for Accurate Answers

One trait of me is being curious, really curious. Not about other people’s business but stuff that is hidden from me. I remember those days, when I constantly asked questions to my mom, why do you not permit me to do this, while all other kids in fact can do? Why do you restrict me in this way when this is what I want to do? (In my view It did not involve any harm for me or for anyone else).There are even situations, where I came to the conclusion that my mom loves my siblings more than me or  she does not love me at all. But one constant answer she gave me was, that “I promise you to answer all the questions, when you become like me, young women”. That did not convince me, however fascinated me to become a young women, who will know all the answers to the tough questions. I thought, my mom did not know the answers to those questions or there are no legitimate answers to those questions.

Now one day as I am looking back, what about those questions I asked my mom, she did promise to answer me now. I knew almost all the answer, not by my mom answering, but just by being like her, an adult. Another interesting part is, I don’t have any questions for my mom at all. I laugh at myself, for thinking that my mom didn’t love  me or she loved my siblings more than me, I know that is absolutely not true, that was my immaturity rather ignorance. 

I am frustrated at times by some of God’s so called “Perfect Plans”.  I say, “Really God! What good can happen to me, by having these two miserable miscarriages, with lots of physical and emotional pain?” But God seems to answer me in the way similar to my mom, “I promise to answer you, when you become like me, not mortal but immortal. Not in this world, but when you come to heaven (no, I don’t mean to be God, but mean not to be constrain to this world)”. Now, I am more than convinced, two things that could happen to me in heaven, I will know all the answers myself or I won’t have any questions to ask Him at all. I am telling myself, why bother asking Him any questions, rather just wait until I get to Him. I know we as humans have too many questions. In this world’s standards, many things are not fair or perfect, but we have a choice, to wait to get away from this world and ask those questions to Him, who is the Author and the Creator of all things, or just come to the conclusion that He does not love us, or He loves someone more than us. But the accurate answer ultimately demands some long waiting. God Bless.

How much can God forgive?

I am not sure; if it is a common feeling or specific to me, but I always had a question can really God forgive my “BIG” sins?  Never, quite understood the grace fully, but let me try to portray my newly found understanding of grace with the following scenario. I and my husband were sitting in the beautiful seashore, one tide gently touched our feet; other just moved us to the different directions. Suddenly he took a handful of mud and buried my feet, and as I was struggling to get my feet out of mud, one tide came by my feet, cleansed the mud completely. Can I compare the sand in my feet with the water in the sea? This sea can pretty much clean me as well, if he would have buried me in with the mud. Grace is like the sea, looking from my prospect my feet is buried with the mud and how am I going to get my feet out? But for the sea it is nothing, nothing at all. God’s grace is like a sea, you cannot quite understand how much it can clean, but you can understand your sins are nothing compares to His grace, that He earned by sacrificial death of His son(Jesus Christ).

I also thought what If I was standing far from the sea? Can it wash me? No. I have to be close to experience this cleansing. From our prospect our sins is huge, but in His prospect He can forgive it completely with nothing; however, this cleansing process takes our intentional effort; we have to go next to Him, allow Him to clean us, and believe that He can clean us completely.

Understanding Grace is complex, but without GRACE OF GOD there is no foundation for Christian faith. Let God forgive you, believe He can forgive you, and experience true forgiveness, more than anything after you are forgiven, forgive yourself. God bless.

I love my lacking

Truly I love my lacking, I have lacks in my life that I would give anything to get them fulfilled, but in spite of the burning desire to get everything I need, I still love my lacks for the very reason that they keep me depend more on my Creator.

I am a person who loves to have control over everything at least to those things that would affect me, my family and friends but that could very well be my sin sometimes. My Pastor mentioned, “Sin is nothing but missing God’s purpose” I believe God does want me depend on Him for everything small and big, for the stuff I long for and for the stuff I don’t care much.

When my Doctor said, “This is going to be another miscarriage” me and my husband both ego, “what can we do to prevent this from happening again?” You could not believe the answer, “Nothing” the doctor replied coldly (I don’t blame him, how many times can he cry everyday) but you could only imagine the frustration in both of our eyes. I was confused; there should be something I could do to prevent, if not me, then this doctor who has a special degree in doing so, but nothing? The humanity in its sixth sense can do nothing to prevent my misery. Then I realized no, I can do one thing, depend on my God, who knows the count of the strings of my hair and also the name of every star that I see in the sky and I don’t see. I love  my lacking that keeps me from sinning against God by self reliance, I love my lacking it reminds me of my humanness, I love lacking more than anything that keeps me depending on my Creator.

God Bless.

Same old bible makes lot of sense now

As I am looking back the previous years when I started reading the bible, I actually read the whole bible before but never made lot of sense, never felt this much interest I am feeling now, specifically when I get to certain parts of bible, my pastor says “Every single word in bible is inspired by Holy spirit and we cannot omit any part of it” but I did not quite treated every word same. However all of a sudden, I am no more forcing myself to read these verses but seems like I am indulging in these verses totally with my being. I even ask my husband to continue with whatever plan and continue to dwell in these verse longer than my allotted prayer time, why is this change?

I start to read my bible in different prospect; this is the same old bible but makes lot of sense now. Ever since I started believing in this God, I was reading bible as though God is giving me direction for that day and that’s all. I went to bible either to get to know how my day is going to be or to get some encouragement from God that all is going to be well, there is nothing wrong in that but I don’t see every verse in bible is just doing that, if you’re a person who “learned” bible (not “read” like me for so long) would definitely know this to be true. I found a gap between these two of my mottos and some of the verse in bible, it just didn’t make sense to me, but found this new purpose of this great books, in which every words is inspired by the Holy spirit Himself , who hovered over the universe before any of these incidence came into being, that is bible reveals the very nature of my God, everything that I need to know and understand about the magnificent person whom I never met face to face but deeply in love with, is revealed in this book  perfectly and beautifully. Oh, now I could not stop reading my bible and it all makes sense. I hope you read your bible with different prospect too. God bless.

Pathway to Victory

When you don’t find the ram instead you’re Isaac?

Genesis 22 explains the great and mystical story of God asking for Abraham’s son, who is given as a promise. This particular passage even though very famous didn’t catch much of my attention until I had this message from my doctor stating I might have another miscarriage this time (I barely came out of the previous loss). I was not in shock, some how I always felt from the starting of this pregnancy what if? But I was broken completely, I know God breaks the person before He can create a right person He wants, but never understood that breaking will be this painful.

In my faith I said, “Lord, you provided a Ram instead of Isaac, and please provide a Ram instead of this little child in my womb” (Even though I didn’t wait 25 long years, and my husband is not 100, I am talking about the pain of loosing a child), I knew life and death is in God’s hand, I knew God in his complete sovereignty allows me to go through this most painful path. I prayed and said Lord, “I know you are my God and you have been faithful all the time, now provide the ram so I can sacrifice instead of this child”, I want this child seriously”, in tears so intense I prayed, Holy sprit whispered in my ears, “What if you don’t find the ram instead, I am not your God anymore?”

Then I thought about it, what Abraham would have done if he did not find the Ram and the angel didn’t stop him, offered Isaac? I don’t know, but I believe he would have because he didn’t have the idea of what is going to happen but still got up early and set out to reach the mountain, but he would have definitely cried and mourned for Isaac many many years.

I stopped for a second and said, “ No God, even if I don’t find the Ram, your are still my God and you will ever be, not because I choose you but you choose me first, not because I love you, but you loved me abundantly first."

It took lot of prayers, lot of tears, trips to different places, isolation, consolation, and so much reading, before I understood God is merciful and loving to allow me through this, this could have been lot more worse, He reassured me that I will see my child and get to hold her in a perfect painless world, where I don’t have to worry about,  if she is going to get in to the right school, get the right grade, will she wear right clothes, will she choose the right man, more than anything about her salvation. How glorious it will be to see my beautiful child, in the perfect world, behind my savior with an open arm, I can’t wait to get to heaven.

God Bless.

Find Your Unique Calling

Find Your Unique Calling

Uniqueness, individuality, difference between human natures, these are the virtue of human beings. Just imagine if we all act, talk, and think similar this world will be one uninspiring place. Modern day culture encourages you to be yourself. As I was meditating God’s word, this is remarkably true even with the calling we have from God. We have a unique calling from God, maybe there are other people called for similar work but every calling is unique. I believe God did not create anybody to, just do the same think that I am called to do and vice versa. This does not mean if I am not doing what I am suppose to do that will stop God’s plan or kingdom advancement, but I believe my calling is unique and so as yours. In this article, I am trying to compare two different specific calling from Jesus to New Testament believers.

Demon demon-possessed man in the region of the Gadarenes

In all three gospels, of Matthew, Mark, and Luke, the incident of Jesus restoring this terribly demon possessed man is mentioned. Even though, Matthew mentions another man who was also possessed by demons, the other two gospels gave importance to this one man who was possessed by demons. This man had a hard life, did not live in home for a long time, did not wear clothes, terrible life that a human can have.

I used to work in the psychiatric unit, and used to seeing people, not in their mind, the anguish the patients and their family go through (I am not saying psychiatric conditions are demon possession, but the symptoms explained in this passages are truly much similar).Jesus had a passion for this man and restored him and casted out the demons. He is restored. I have never seen a fully cured chronically ill psychiatric patient. I could only imagine if anyone can totally cure them, how thankful this person and the entire family would be for the person who treated them. I conjecture similarly, this person who was healed, not asked but begged to go with him but Jesus had the unique calling for this man, He said, “Go home to your own people and tell them how much the Lord has done for you.” He did the same, and began to tell in the Decapolis, how much Jesus had done for him, and all the people were amazed.

Jesus Calls His First Disciples

Jesus called his first disciples to come and follow Him. He was calling them to leave everything as it is and follow Him. In all three gospels Matthew, Mark, and Luke, accounts this solemn incident of Jesus calling His first disciples. None of these people begged to follow Jesus, but Jesus did call them intentionally. In the gospel of Mark, it is also mentioned without delay Jesus called them.

Comparison of callings

In above mentioned two incidences, the demon possessed man is begging to go with Jesus, but Jesus denies him to go with him. Jesus gives this man a unique mission to do. In the contrary, in Luke 5-8 Simon peter realized he was a sinful man and says, "go away from me, lord: I am a sinful man”, but Jesus calls him and other disciple intentional y to leave everything and follow him without delay. In eternal prospect, both of these missions are imperative. I cannot say which one is superior. Jesus gave his life for every one of us. So there is no superior or weaker calling in eternal prospect, but it is about what is your unique calling and fulfilling it with the entire capacity.

I believe if Jesus had asked the disciples to go and preach in Decapolis that had been less efficient, in the case of the witness of demon possessed man it is first hand information. The people lived in Decapolis did see that the person was possessed and troubled but now healed. So I believe that the witness from this man means a lot to them. I love listening to lovely testimony in TV, Radio, and the internet, but nothing compares to testimony from my own church. So I think this is one of the logical reasons for this unique calling but God knows past, present, and future. He knows the inmost thoughts and there may be multiple other reasons for these two different callings.

It would have been a serious problem, if the demon possessed man would have asked “why God, you are intentionally calling people to follow you by leaving everything? When they are not even asking for it, and I am begging to go with you and you deny?" Or if the disciples had said," We will stay back here, and minister to other fisher man or people live in Galilee". So comparing your mission with other ministries is as unintelligent as this. If it is small or large, call to leave everything or to stay in your place and preach, it is extremely critical that we exactly respond to God’s unique calling.

Time of calling

I would like to add one more thought to this article, God calls us even before people finds us, for example, in the incident of Jesus meting Nathanael. Nathanael asked Jesus, ‘how do you know me”, and Jesus answered, “I saw you while you were still under the fig tree before Philip called you.” Many times God sees us even before men can call us or confirm the call, so your unique ministry from God is already decided, and He is the only person, who have complete knowledge of that ministry. It is necessary we get first hand information from Him, However I am all for other Godly people confirming your call. Bible explains many other people who are called uniquely for their ministry according to will of God. I hope and pray we will find our unique ministry from Jesus and fulfill it with all our capacity. God bless.

Please refer –Mark1& 5, Luke 8& 5, Matthew 8:28-34.

In The Race to Overcome The Creator

“A species of flatworm has been discovered to be potentially immortal - raising hopes that the ageing process in humans could be combated” (Woollacott, 2012)

This and many other head line news makes me think about the critical question that the Human species ask today, can we overcome our creator? Or is there someone who is a creator?

The purpose of this article is to answer many other questions including the two above mentioned questions, with in authors believe and rational, in no way this article is trying to prove that there is God that conviction is to be personal rather than influential. In fact, no religion or the scared books are trying to prove that there is God in contrary to atheism and humanism; instead they just declare the God’s nature.

On the journey to beat up the Creator, if man reaches the place to create human from soil just like God created once, than below will be the communication between God and human, according to an unknown pastor,

Man- God, “I learned to create a human from soil, as you claimed you did”.

God – “ok, go ahead and make one”

Man – Bending down to pick up the soil

God-“mm hum, make your own soil first.”

Interesting right?

Is atheism and humanism are religions?

Religion simply has to explain the set of belief concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe. Atheism and humanism simply denies that there is a super natural power that created universe, and the existence of the super natural power ("Dictionary.com", 2012).

Including the most recent published scientist ideas about universe in summary are,

1.      Approximately 13.7 billion years ago, the entirety of our universe was compressed into the confines of an atomic nucleus and it exploded and created universe

2.      There is no centre of the universe!  According to the standard theories of cosmology, the universe started with a "Big Bang" about 14 thousand million years ago and has been expanding ever since

3.      Dark energy is responsible for this expansion, and NASA Explains “Dark Energy affects the Universe's expansion, More is unknown than is known about dark energy, it is an important mystery. It turns out that roughly 70% of the Universe is dark energy”

4.      Nobody really knows the height, length, width, and depth of the universe (NASA, 2012).

In fact human species could not yet comprehend, not with one but all great minds put together, the reason for the compression before big-bang, actual center of the universe, or is there a center of the universe? , if it is expanding, why is it expanding? What makes this expansion possible? Basically as whole human species, our knowledge about our universe is speck in the eternity of its mystery. Atheism and humanism does not deny the evidence of our fractional knowledge about universe, they just argue that there is no supernatural power that is responsible for creation of Universe.  They Claim, “One day, human being will see the entire universe and find what is dark matter, and the million other mysteries in our universe.” well, then it is possible even that, by the end of it, they can find the greater power which created all this too. If, God is a myth, don’t you think big bang and other explanation of creations is more so? Neither can be proved if any human is trying to, just because, we are human and not God. If a person start to say, “I will only believe what I see” the entire world will mock at that man, because the existence of the Universe and dark maters, and the expansions are evidence of science and to an extent proved by researches, However human being cannot see its existence completely.

Now back to the definition of religion, if we don’t really know the universe and it is phenomena, how could we explain the cause, nature, and purpose of it without including supernatural power? Atheism and humanism does not try to explains any thoughts of it is own but simply trying to disprove what they don’t have adequate knowledge about, so in all rational it is not a religion of its own but could be a parasitic religion because it needs other religions to exist and simply try (but fails) to disprove the power of super natural existence.

If there is God, and He is good, why many wrong things happen?

Just because humans are not the robots with pre installed programs by God, but we are the crown of the creation and God chose to give us “free will”.

What is free will?

God has a control over everything in the world including human beings; however He let human choose their action depending on their own will. The ultimate controller is God.

Why He gave this free will?

Again we are not even close identifying the creation complete, how much do we know about the creator? Only so much that He Himself reveled in many different ways, but that doesn’t prove that He does not exists. But in my rational, I would like my children to love me with their choice but not my force; this could be the same simple reason, that God want us to search Him and do good deeds like Him, just because we love Him, but not because that is what He instilled in us.

If God is true, why He did not answer my question when it was crucial for me?

“God is not an ATM machine”, May be it sound radical, but  this  is the great word I heard from one of my favorite radio show, I am sorry to state this here, but we cannot treat this creator God to be our ATM machine, and just say, “ ok, you don’t give me what I want, so you don’t exist” , remember you could argue it in either way, but the purpose of this article is not to prove God but to explain some rational thoughts of mine.

Can we ask?

The earth, why do you rotate in 24 hrs, why not 30 hours? No

 The sun, why the flares and radiations, why not just the light and energy? No

If we cannot even ask questions to the creation that they are so above our power, what about the Creator, and His thoughts, we either can understand or deny His existence just because, He does not act the way we want Him to.

This is not the question but the statement, many atheist makes, this article does not answer but respond to the below statement,

Religions are responsible for all the killing and problems, so let us get rid of them.

Now here, I am not trying to explain which religion is true but simply explaining why religion is not responsible for all the killing and problems. There are many criteria, to come to a conclusion of what is a true religion and what is not? But this is one of the simplest thought about religion that I guess most of us will agree upon.

(Elsaie, n.d), “Religion should convey a message that does not contradict human intuition and accepted morals.”

If a true religion should teach us something that does not contradict human intuition and accepted morals, how could religion be the cause of destruction? I have never seen any human being argue that mere killing is right, but they might have all their reasons for the murder they committed, so now is it a fault of the reason or the intuition? Every human if they search in their heart in normal mental capacity, can rationally think and say what is right and wrong, at least the fundamentals. To kill is wrong, to rape is wrong, without anyone telling us, but how ever a person can in his own rational thought misinterpret his religion and give all kind of irrational reasons for his killing and radically blame it on his religious teaching, and that is not a fault of the religion but the fault of the individual who is commuting it. For sure, any religion in its full, teaches to kill innocent people is not a religion at all.

In contrary religion teaches us morals, build families the fundamental units of intact society, it keeps us accountable. In a closer and clear look, the problem and killings are caused by the people taking the religions name and not really knowing them in depth, so instead of getting rid of the religion, we can teach our children the depth of the religion and all the aspects, so we can create a peaceful and better community.

Finally, Atheists argue, the evolution and other theories are not in favor of the Creator God,

I am repeating this many time that I am not trying to prove that there is God, instead giving my own rational explanations, evolution is not a proven fact but a theory. If you say that God is not proven but a theory, and you accept the evolution, you have not so much to boost about your intelligent and rational ideas but just to boost about your own choice in those two theories.

Evolution struggles great deal of inadequacies, just like the big-bang mess, few of the common arguments of the evolutionist against the creationists are,

There are connections between two different species,

Are you kidding me, this is exactly what I am trying to say, there will be a connection between two species just because there is one God who created all.

There are vestigial organs in our body

Remember ,God did created human being but the creationists are not at all against the micro evolution, that is may be  Adam was dark and now we are all, white, brown, dark many colors, that does not make us birds.

There is no intelligent design in human body?

This is the only arguments that make me argue, as a nurse, and learned at least the necessary anatomy and physiology; I was always amazed at the mechanism of human architect. The amazing way of conception and development, the exceptional way the brain and nerves works, the miracle of life and death, if you call it a bad design, why don’t you at least remotely make something closer to this yet?

There are science and rational all against evolution, we can argue but at least the few common basics for the evolution can be argued even by a lay person like me, without any biology background.

Finally I would never be able to prove that there is God by my power because I am a mere human, but God revealed himself to us in many way, it is easy for us to question His existence because of our ignorance, if you are going through that session of life, hold on and search more, search rationally, with all the blame of atheism and rationalism claims against God and religion, if only can this Human race open the eye and look at the vast creation and amazing ways we our self operate, we will stop wasting our energy in overcoming our  creator, instead get His help in improving the future of our human race with our “free will” allowed by our creator. God bless.

Reference,

Dictionary.com. (2012). Retrieved from http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/religion

Elsaie, A. (n.d). The Religion Criteria. Retrieved from http://www.usislam.org/47relig.htm

NASA. (2012). Retrieved from http://science.nasa.gov/astrophysics/focus-areas/what-is-dark-energy/

Woollacott, E. (2012). TG Daily. Retrieved from http://www.tgdaily.com/health-features/61735-flatworms-could-reveal-secret-of-immortality

The Motive of This Blog

I am a woman with lot of words, but I could only talk, when I want to talk, and only with people who love to hear me, truly I don’t want to even bore those few people, who love to hear from me. I find this blog is the channel to express my views to people, who would love to hear from me, every time I feel like expressing, yet my hope is, all that I am expressing here will inspire not many but at least few, to know the complete love of Jesus, the only savior, poured immeasurably on me and the entire human race.

Explaining the Title

God is the source of love, the Bible reveals much about His love, and as a disciples of this loving God, our conscious propels us to love not only our friends but our enemies too. I am convinced love is complete, and when the completeness of love rules our heart, all other incompleteness will disappear. I am also inspired by the Holy Spirit to love, not a regular love but love that is mentioned in this passage a complete love, certainly I am so not there. It is a great struggle for me to unconditionally love, my own people, the lovable people, the people who love me, but my Savior is calling me to love every one with this love, that He showered on me, unconditional love, the love that is complete. I am taking baby steps towards that mission of loving unconditionally, not the lovable but everyone equally (when I say equally, I don’t mean the way or the expression of love, but I mean the completeness of the love). This blog’s name would remind me of my incompleteness and will increase my determination to reach my completeness in this mission.

Amazing Revelation for the Innocent Search

This is the picture of words, of the innocent search of the delegate creations, and a glorious Creator’s grace to response the search by revealing Himself.

           My journey to find my creator God fortunately started with the belief in God. I never remember struggling with the thought of, whether there is a God or not? I fully believe, God installed the deepest desire in every Human’s heart to search Him. This desire to search for the creator God is million times more intense than a search of the orphaned child for his/her biological parent. This deepest desire of man to search for the maker is sometimes responsible for different conflicts in Human minds, unfortunately. Just like, an orphaned child in the search to reach the graceful mother, falling in many pitfall and failures. This is not predominantly unusual for, that child to never reach his/her mother or end up with the believe that there is no mother.

This same deepest desire to search my creator, made me search Him intensely but ingenuously. He was graceful enough, to respond my innocent search. I started searching God in every created thing. I was taught to see God in every creation. Even though now I see the creations and wonder at the creativity of my Heavenly Father, at that point of my life, I saw these creations and try to find, which one created the rest of them, and that did not make any sense to me. I used to walk around the Neem tree in circles multiple times (this is one of the forms of Hindu worships) but could not quite believe that this tree created and controls entire universe.

"Know that the LORD has set apart the godly for Himself"

(Psalm 4:3)

         The struggle was to believe that multiple gods created and control life, death, and the whole creation. I surely could not believe the multiple God theory because I used to see the chaos that few people create due to inappropriate communication in the small families. I could not rationally believe multiple gods can control the universe in perfect harmony, and that was the beginning of my journey in search of one living God, who created, and controls everything in the universe.

Even with innocent search of my heart, I was remarkably faithful, the strongest desire of my heart to find my creator God would not settle for anything less than God Himself. I was ready to pursue anything, just to see, and fell the presence of my God. When I fly many hours to reach India that  will not be too hard  because   of the very thought that  I am going to see my mother’s face, so this emotion of readiness to pursue anything to see my creator God was not an  out of the ordinary feeling. I asked questions, I argued with people, I cried in secret but continue to ask Him, innocently, to reveal Himself to me, not in the way I was supposed   to, but in some way that I understood appropriate.

Finally that day, which now  I believe, God’s pre- planned day to start the reveling process, My mom decided to take me to Vocational Bible School, not to learn Bible, but to have fun, during my summer vacation. The instructor spoke those supernatural words, at least for me those are super natural, “There is one creator God and his name is Jesus, He died instead of us, for our sins. At that time in my life, I did not understand the sin in me, so I did not bother about, who died for my sin? But the one created God was so believable. I could not express the joy that engaged my little heart. I found my Creator, and His name is Jesus. It was so relieving, to believe that there is one God, who created this universe, and He is still alive, and in control of everything happening in and around me. Ever since, every bit of my spiritual life was revolving around this Jesus, one God. It took many years, to understand the depth of his love; I am still in that learning process.

“She came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. As she stood behind him at his feet

 weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.”

Luke 7:36

I was like this woman, in the above passage of Bible; I was deeply in love with him. I just got one card, with suppose to be a picture of Jesus (I do not believe in worshiping pictures now). I kissed that picture so much that the paper got wet and peeling off. My sisters used to tease me saying, “Please, do not kiss that picture anymore that is going to be altogether destroyed.”  I was profoundly in love with this God that was mostly emotional than rational. Christian faith completely is not emotional but rational, there is a reason for Christian faith, and I learned that later in my life.

"Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written."

John 21:25

Every day in my life, I see not one but multiple miracles, it is like the apostles said, if I have to write everything God did in my life, without exaggerating, it will take my entire life- time, and truly, I forgot many of those, but let me explain here the most influential days that myself or anybody else around me, could deny that, there was a supernatural involvement in those, incredible situations of my life.

I decided to do Nursing after my twelfth grade. I did work hard, got decent grades, and I was extremely positive that I will get into nursing by all my work; I did not need God for that. God decided to teach me an extremely strong first lesson, of how foolish I was to believe, that “I could totally control my life?” I did not get to go to nursing that year, not because I did not have enough grades but just because, I missed to see the newspaper, in which, the results for the selection committee was published. I was chosen, but missed to show up. One whole year was wasted (That is what I thought). I cried secretly, and I was so depressed, but I was so adamant, and did not go to any other degree but wait for the next year. Next year came around, I again only applied for nursing, waiting for the results from the selection committee, but this time checked all the possible newspapers, every day. One day, as I was sitting and crying deeply, to this God and asked, “God can you comfort me in some ways?” I still remember that was a Sunday, I got this mail, from my neighbor he said “Oh! It came Friday, we forgot to give it to you” I was not expecting any mail, particularly not on Sunday. That was a call letter for my counseling to get into a Nursing program.

I was so excited, called all my friends and bragged that I got selected for Nursing (I did not realize that it was not a selection letter, but just a counseling letter. None of my family certainly had experience with that so they believed, whatever I believed).After the large celebration my mom, I, and dad packed, and reached   the counseling, on the assigned day. The announcement, on that huge ground broke my heart, there are five more seats, for BSN, and the candidates with three points above me, were called up the stairs for counseling. You may not understand this situation entirely, if you or anyone in your family has gone for the selection process for professional courses in India. This simply means no way; I am getting any of those five remaining seats because there are at least 10 candidates within those 3   points, if not more. My sweet little heart broke utterly. I could not take it anymore. I said, “God it is ok, I did not get it last time, but why would you make me believe I almost got and deny it? I did not hear anybody talking to me. My mom was comforting me and saying, “Do not worry, there are many other things you could do” but I did not even hear those words, it did not make sense to me. I do not want to do any other thing but this.

I communicate so deeply to my Creator first time in my life; I would never forget those deep words. I said, “Lord I am not going to live, if I go back home without this Nursing seat, how can I tolerate the ridicule of people, whom I said, I got this seat? So prove to me, if you are real, if I get any one of these five seats, I will never again in my life, ask this question, are you real? If not, even if you appear before me, I will not believe, you are real” (now I surely regret, I said those words, I would never recommend, those kind of prayers, it is by His grace, He saved me from that trap, but it is scary to think what if not? ) .The announcement was coming again, calling out my points, ran upstairs, there were only three seats, with five people ahead of me. Two of them got the seats, one more seat, and three candidates ahead of me, they did not show up that day, and that not particularly common to occur. As I was seeing this person counseling me said, “Congratulations Ahila, you got the last seat for BSN.”  I saw God for real, until then, I just knew Him, and then I saw Him. He was so real; I said to myself, “Never again in my life, I will have that question, that if He is real?” I did not hear any other words from anyone. I was totally taken away by this reality of seeing, and feeling my God’s presence, it was beyond expression. My mom with a smile said, “It is your god, who gave you this.”

Fortunately, I went to the Christian College, had incredible Christian friends, they taught me basics of Christianity, but only one of the friend had the courage to challenge me, and said, “There is no connection between dark and light. You cannot serve two masters at the same time. You chose this living creator God or worship all your creations” (even though I realized the real God, I was praying to God but was standing in the temple of idols). Of course, my soul chose to worship this creator god, my ego fought for my past life. I asked God to talk to me directly and precisely. I opened the Bible and I got these exact words,

“This is what the LORD says

Israel’s King and Redeemer, the LORD Almighty: I am the first and I am the last;

Apart from me there is no God”

Isaiah 44:6

(I am not saying this is the only way, which God will talk to us, but this is the very way, God choose to speak to me).

            I put my trust in God right away. I started reading the Bible. I was been convicted of my sin, and understood, how God loved me so much that He sacrificed His son (Himself) as a sacrifice, instead of me in the cross. I understood that salvation is the done deal, and all I have to do is put my trust in my God. That was easy. The challenge was to obey the commands, to declare my internal change publicly. I feared that would hurt my mother’s heart. I loved her so much that I did not want to hurt her in anyway (including my declaration of my conviction). I should certainly, thank my mom; she always respected my individuality, in my faith (until other problems rose later in my life), even though she did not believe in the same.

           I truly believe, God can come along, and talk as Human will understand. He can talk to us as a breeze or with strong biblical ideas. He can express his love in most profound way, or just like how teenagers will express their love. It is possible for Him to communicate in all different ways. Beginning of my Christian journey, I always wanted to know, if God truly loved me. When my prayers were not answered that question became stronger. I was a teenager, and did not understand, all the depth and length of His love that He showered on me by His death. I constantly asked this question to Him in prayer or simply in my heart. Once I became desperate and said, “God you do not really love me, Do you?” And I opened my Bible and read these words.

“You have such a place in our hearts that we would live or die with you”

II Corinthians 7:3.

It is not a complete verse, and it could have a different meaning altogether, in this verse is Paul talking to the specific church (Corinthians). I believe every word in the Bible is God revelation to His creations. All I am trying to say, is God can communicate with us in our own innocent way. These verses made a much sense to me. That was like a teenage boy, who would express his love, so deep and profoundly. I never again asked that question to Him, if He loved me; this was the one verse, filled all my longing. I also understood that He loved me so deep that He died for my sin, and I will live with Him forever, long-time   after, this encounter with God.

Another regular day in my life, I was in the church, and the pastor spoke another set of super natural words in my life “All of you, should keep a distance between you and the person who is not baptized.”  Those words pierced my heart like a sword, not because no believers will associate with me, but I was thinking, “If the believers have to keep a distance from me, than how far am I from my god?”  I could not believe that I was so far from my god (now, I do not believe every person who is not baptized is far from God or vice-versa, but that was God’s brilliant way of talking to my innocent faith).

I got extremely impatient and was waiting for that sermon to be finished. Quietly got close to the pastor and said, “I want to be baptized, and today.” Nothing came to my mind, about my mom, and I am hurting her, nothing. All I wanted was to obey my only God by declaring that I am His possession in public. The pastor said “ Hold on, we cannot just give you baptism like that, but have to announce that in the church, and there are preparations that has to be done” ( I will not blame him because he had no idea about, how I loved god, is it emotional or real transformation). I got so bold and said, “Pastor, I believe, today is the day, if I miss it, I will never be baptized, and guilt of my blood is on you” (Oh! my god, I could not believe, I said that). Of course, those words did the trick. The pastor said “Ahila, wait for us. I and some of the elders of the church have to pray about this, and we will come to the conclusion.”  I said, “Sure, if God is the one talking to me, He will surely talk to you too.” I waited out, He came out after an hour, and said “Ok, let us go to this Yamuna River, and give you baptism.” That was the day my secret acceptance of God, was declared in front of the whole group of God’s people. I am sure that pleased my God’s heart, and there was a tremendous feast in heaven just for that.

Life was beautiful had ups more than downs. I did well in school, worked, helped my family, and shined every place I worked. Now the next chapter in my life, I wanted to get married. I was determined; that I should get married to someone who believes in Christ (at least will not restrict me from going to church). I did not think that it was going to be such a struggle finding one. My mom wanted someone from our caste, so our caste and believer that create whole new trial in my life. I would say that was the biggest trail until now in my life. As my family was getting desperate, I also became so desperate; I wanted to meet this man, whom God intent. Quickly, after that I came to the conclusion that God did not create a man for me, and I said to God, “If you did not create a man for me, then teach me to live without searching for one.”  (See I am getting mature in faith, but not understanding God; do not create a desire in believer’s heart, for which he has no plans for). God did not seem to answer that question (he knew exactly the future). After a while, I met this person, in my path of groom searching. I started talking to him, thinking he will be my husband. After a week or so I came to know that he was married before, and that he hid this thing altogether from me. I was not okay with that and my mom was obviously not okay with that. This whole situation brought more storms, in my already desperate heart. Remember the vow, I made to God long-time before, in my nursing selection counseling. I did remember those vows, but this storm seems to pull me far away from my God.

One day, as I was talking to my friend I utter these words, “I am talking to you, these words, and I know you are hearing it, God is hearing this, and also Satan is hearing this. Even I go to the pulpit, ready to be married to the guy and thousands more times that the marriage stops, I will not question my God because, I know He is real, and has control over my life.”  Soon enough, I got this man, who is truly customized, he is a believer, and belongs to my caste. Not only he will let me go to church, but also he will worship this same God, holding my hands in the church, standing next to me (this was like, very much more, than I ever imagined).We had challenges in our lives, but never did this question came in to my mind, is he the right person? Because it is so obvious that he is the only and perfect person for me.

These are the greatest storms, and the exact ways God revealed Himself to me. I am in the journey of growing deeper in my faith. God has assigned many spiritual people, in my life that they serve, the exact need at the very moment of my life. Now, I know all my deeds were filthy rags before God, and God send his precious son (Himself) to suffer for all my sins.

"All our righteous acts are like filthy rags."

 Isaiah 64:6

I have a beautiful inheritance, eternal life as a follower of Christ. Jesus is not only real, but also so sweet that I am falling in love with him, every day, deeper and deeper. His love is so deep that I will never understand it perfectly.

I deeply desire that I will fulfill this life journey, as a Christian woman, who will create a whole new generation of Christians; those will serve the Lord with their hearts, souls, and minds fully. I believe that is also my Creator’s divine purpose.  I am not sure if that generation will arise from me and my husband’s gene, but God has a perfect plan for my life. I will be a part of the zealous Christian generation to come, no question about that.

"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."

 Luke 11:9

Dear most friends, even none of these words make sense to you; believe one thing God did answered my innocent search for him in an amazing way. I believe for sure He will do the same to anyone who searches Him with honesty. Just ask Him to reveal Himself to you. Even, if you do not believe in Him; just say if you are real, reveal yourself to me. That is all it takes, you will be amazed at the ways that He can reveal Himself to you. God bless.