Craziest Husband

Five years of covenant relationship, yes! Five years ago I made this rather radical promise to this stranger (it was an arranged marriage). Promise to live together in highs and lows, in wellness and sickness, until death do us apart. My only trust was in my God who is faithful (arranged also by my God, I believe.). Really some ups and downs, without His grace, we wouldn't celebrate today. Marriage is a sharpest tool my Savior uses to rub my hardest edges. Sanctification we call, and yes it is mostly done through marriage, I am convinced. My honest confession is, this is the one place I miserably fail, but keep getting up, walking holding the hands of my faithful God. Please don't mistaken me, my husband is as sweet as he could be, as Lysa TerKeurst mentioned “Even a great husband makes a very poor God". He couldn't fill all that I need, he is not even equipped to do that.

As I read my bible verse on my anniversary day, God spoke to me through these verses,

“Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands, for this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord.”  1 peter 3

I was convicted, I knew in my heart it is right to obey my authority, and submit to my husband. God has spoken to me in many different situations about this but this time after I poured my heart and ask God to bless our marriage, in our wedding anniversary day. This is what He says, “SUBMIT”. My arrogance to submission is a real problem. Knowing I might fail many more times, I took a pledge and said, “Lord I will obey you, help me Lord to see when I am not submitting, and give me grace so I will submit, I don’t want to be the hindrance for our marriage being blessed”.

I got ready and happily came down, I don’t know if it is a test from my Lord or a trick from my enemy, my husband came down with the red pants and a very dark shirt. Red is blood red pants. I asked God, “What am I supposed to do? Should I let him go with this attire to church on our wedding anniversary? Should I let him be the object for laugh? More than anything what will people think about me?(how right James 4:1-2 is)”  And I said to myself, “Any way presenting my opinion is not un-submission it is just a suggestion” I told him, “this attire looks so funny, do you really want to wear this today?” He is very determined and said, YES. Ok, now my controlling face came out, “Lord I will submit but not when he is crazy like this”. Then Lord reminded me the later part of this verse, “Crazy, who could have a crazier husband than Sarah? Just think, a husband wants to sacrifice the son (son born after tremendous battle with infertility). Who could be crazier than that? But she still submitted to his will. Why you can’t just let him wear what he wants, it is not even submitting, but just not controlling.”

 The context here is Lord can take our submission and use it for his glory, He can use it as a means to bless our marriage. I don’t believe in sacrificing children, and I don’t encourage you to obey your husband when he is causing any harm to you or your children. Abraham had a very direct revelation, God indeed spoke to him directly and Sarah had witnessed it first-hand. We don’t have that kind of privilege. On top anything else, God sacrificed his Son for all our sins once for all thus no more lives need to be sacrificed. I am trying to just emphasis the importance of our submission in order for our marriages to be blessed. I think, if Sarah had submitted none of us have an excuse. J

God Bless.

 

Not Just another Dedication

Dedication seems to be this very common word and event. As a person started this journey to follow Jesus whole hearty for more than a decade, dedication became a very common word, after getting married in the pastor’s family this word became much more common, as my father-in-law almost practice this every day of his work. Now this season of my life, gives me different prospect of this word dedication, we are planning to dedicate our little Nesia to Jesus Christ. Ever since this date is confirmed, I have been pondering about this word dedication, also all the things I have dedicated.

When I first received Christ, I dedicated my life to him, ever since all I did with my life was to live for myself, other than few honest prayers for others, and minimal support to poor’s (out of guilty and abundance) nothing much. Even before, starting my career I dedicated my career, hardly I remember my God while at work. Other than throwing one or two bible verses in my class (in the hope that would touch some of my students) nothing much at all. Well before, even I knew my husband, I dedicated my marriage to God, ok this is a big joke, really a joke. How much I have humiliated my faith boldly, even in front of unbelievers. Other than us both attending church, and using some spiritual slogans to point each other’s fault, not much of our marriage is dedicated to him.

 Yes our car, house, even laptop which is not “dedicated”? Car is used to take us to church, house is used to pray, and laptops is used to listen bible (very few chapters every day). Is this what dedication means? Please don’t mistaken me, I am not going through this guilt trip, but really examining the things I dedicated. I know I still have hope, I could rededicate and use all this things in a right way to its fullest, Even if I didn’t do it, I want to do this dedication right, yes I want to really dedicate my daughter to Him. At least until she is under my care, actually I want to dedicate myself to do every single thing that will make her into what HE INTENDED HER TO BE. I DON’T WANT TO FAIL IN THIS DEDICATION. I don’t want this to be JUST ANOTHER DEDICATION.

Dedicated means having single minded loyalty, have no other purpose but just that. Doesn’t mean I am not going to do anything else, In the role as a mother this is my purpose, to do all that to pour her into the mold that is created for her, by her Maker that is the priority of my motherhood journey. I know every single step will be a battle, battle with my selfishness, battle with my daughter’s sinfulness, battle with the enemy who will do everything to make me take this dedication lightly. But, I am pledging to myself, pledging to my daughter, on top of all this I am pledging to my savior (who is faithful), this is not JUST another dedication.

 

 Angry outburst may not have the power to destroy deep relationships, but it sure erodes the layers and make them look uglier. 

First lesson of my motherhood journey

“Praise the Lord”, this sentence might only express very little of my gratitude to my God for this beautiful gift of life, that He created in my womb, and culminated in my hands now. What a privilege, yes I am a mother to this beautiful, perfect little Girl. If I say, “she is a miracle”, some of my friends might get offended, as they are really fighting for the miracle baby. Five years of marriage, two years of serious trying, two miserable losses, one hospital stay during pregnancy, multiple medications and injections, other than that this was an event less journey. Exhausting labor and beautiful end, oh! Forgot to praise God and thank my anesthesiologist for the magical epidural. Anyways, we named our daughter NESIA- meaning miracle of the LORD. We all agree any child is miracle, ok she is definitely our little miracle.

First few week of my motherhood, even though exhausting, with lots of help, and high rush of my adrenaline, it was super exciting. I couldn't quite get the words to explain the joy of the “new mom”. In the third week this reality hits, my sweet baby got her first flu. In spite of friends saying I am over reacting and my mom consoling it is quite normal. I can quite justify my agony, any mom can relate with that emotion. Your three weeks old baby is coughing every 5 minutes or so, and in the end make some sounds as though it is bothering her so much. It is hard to watch.

As my husband enter into our room after work, I ran to him and trying to hide my tears, said," she didn't sleep the whole night, was coughing every five minutes, I am very scared". My spiritually simple husband (comparatively), held me close and whispered," Even though, she is our little angel, she is a human, and has her own share of sin and suffering, that we can't change".

How I wanted to tell him, how amazingly he touched my spiritually swollen (comparatively) mind by his simple words. How he leads me naturally, what a profound and first lesson in my motherhood is taught in his simple words. But I just instead asked," You don't think I am overreacting, do you?” He held me closer and said, "Absolutely not, we will go to the hospital and check just in case." Rest of the story is our family business.

P.S- Nesia is doing absolutely fine now, what a scary first cold, what a profound first lesson.

God bless.

Knowing HIM

In the pursuit to comfort one of my friends, who is struggling with relationship issues, I dared these words, “Nobody can satisfy you, like our savior can." What a realistic but could be an insensitive statement. She got all defensive and said, “Well, He doesn't talk to me”. I realized the tragedy here, how I felt the loneliness before knowing my God. Many of "Born Christians"(I don’t believe in that, I mean people born to Christian parents, or in Christian families) have so much head knowledge about God, but sadly they don't know God. This wonderful sister prayed, read bible, and attended church from her childhood. She was bit offended by the fact, me not a "Born Christian" counseling her to get to know God.

There is a difference between knowing about God, and knowing God. I am not claiming to know him from the beginning of my spiritual journey as well; it definitely started with knowing about this God, who is One, who gave His life for my trespasses. But definitely now, I know him personally, without a doubt. I can, need to, and want to, know more about him. Knowing Him is what makes the difference. Following are some little strategies, I used in the journey from knowing about him to  knowing Him.

• Understand, We can't go away from the Lords presence as He created this universe that means He is bigger than this universe (it will be like this little baby in womb saying let me get to my mother’s presence, no she is inside the mothers presence, she can't get away)
• Talk to him in an intimate way like talking to a father, don't try to formulate this artificial and emotion less prayers, He is all knowing God, prayer helps US not God.
• In all occasion, read bible as how it applies to you, there must be an application to every chapter, we need to just dig deeper.
• Never believe the lie of the enemy saying, “God hates you or disappointed at you,” but believe the truth from God’s inspired words, He delights in you.
• Always focus on Gods natures like loving, kind, and faithful, rather than focusing on your failure.       

But out of all, know God intimately, I promise you, He will talk to you in a very real and intimate way, in the way He choose to. Just like someone who's close to you. Once we get to that place in our spirituality, many other worldly worries will look much smaller and insignificant. Key to joyful life and eternal assurance is to knowing God’s reality in our life. God bless.

Ten Commandments for a Wife

       I.            Do not anticipate your husband to fill your voids, which is meant for God.

   II.            Pray continually and diligently for your husband, if the enemy failed in tempting you, he will turn to your husband.

III.            Don’t use your Physical intimacy as a weapon or a treat; it is a free and special gift in marriage from the Creator.

 IV.            Celebrate your husband’s victory in public but mourn your husband’s failure privately.

    V.            Let your husband lead without anxiety, ultimately God is the one leading.

 VI.            Submit to your husband completely, this is obeying the sovereign God.

VII.            Respect your husband in your heart and words; it is a choice not a response.

VIII.            Do not treat your husband neither as a son, nor as a father, he is your “HUSBAND”.

 IX.            Use forgiveness abundantly in marriage, you have been forgiven by the righteous God.

     X.            Freely and fully allow him to express in words and deeds, whom God created him to be, so you won’t hinder the ultimate purpose for his life.

The Light that is Brighter

I am an extreme outdoor person, but do not like to go out. Interesting trait in me, I like to spend all my evening standing in my patio close to my door. I really like to always keep my window open, even at night. I loved to sneak a look through the beautiful tree with bright green leaves through that window, sometimes with the moon tweeting through these leaves. But as this morning I woke up, and I peeped through this window, I saw the early morning sun light barely touching our planet.

 

God in his sweet words started speaking to me. He gently called me to get the glimpse of His unfathomable love. Yes, I am blessed with so many loving people in my life, any time I am in need I am surrounded by these people who will spend their time, and love with me without any expectations, but that never filled my heart, I had the void. I do believe God never intended humans to completely satisfy each other, without His influence. When our room gets darker in the night, I cannot see anything out through this window, it seems like there is no outside. I assume this is what happens when we live in darkness, we go through tough time, we are in trails, and we look through the window and find no light. We light up our rooms with the light bulbs; we desperately try to fill our darkness with something similar to God’s love, with mere human love. Remember this light cannot go on forever, and this light is not intended to replace the day light. Even if the glimpse of sunlight touches you, it can over throw this pitiful light emitted through these bulbs (even thousand bulbs). From far, far distance, even during the slight beginning of the dawn, sun light is much brighter than our light bulbs. We clearly see the world; we see that there is something out of this dark room, there is a beautiful outdoor (eternity). When we understand the glimpse of God’s love, it is over whelming, cannot be compared with the love we share in human form. I echo the great apostle Paul’s word, and, “pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge”.

Have a blessed day.