Pathway to Victory

When you don’t find the ram instead you’re Isaac?

Genesis 22 explains the great and mystical story of God asking for Abraham’s son, who is given as a promise. This particular passage even though very famous didn’t catch much of my attention until I had this message from my doctor stating I might have another miscarriage this time (I barely came out of the previous loss). I was not in shock, some how I always felt from the starting of this pregnancy what if? But I was broken completely, I know God breaks the person before He can create a right person He wants, but never understood that breaking will be this painful.

In my faith I said, “Lord, you provided a Ram instead of Isaac, and please provide a Ram instead of this little child in my womb” (Even though I didn’t wait 25 long years, and my husband is not 100, I am talking about the pain of loosing a child), I knew life and death is in God’s hand, I knew God in his complete sovereignty allows me to go through this most painful path. I prayed and said Lord, “I know you are my God and you have been faithful all the time, now provide the ram so I can sacrifice instead of this child”, I want this child seriously”, in tears so intense I prayed, Holy sprit whispered in my ears, “What if you don’t find the ram instead, I am not your God anymore?”

Then I thought about it, what Abraham would have done if he did not find the Ram and the angel didn’t stop him, offered Isaac? I don’t know, but I believe he would have because he didn’t have the idea of what is going to happen but still got up early and set out to reach the mountain, but he would have definitely cried and mourned for Isaac many many years.

I stopped for a second and said, “ No God, even if I don’t find the Ram, your are still my God and you will ever be, not because I choose you but you choose me first, not because I love you, but you loved me abundantly first."

It took lot of prayers, lot of tears, trips to different places, isolation, consolation, and so much reading, before I understood God is merciful and loving to allow me through this, this could have been lot more worse, He reassured me that I will see my child and get to hold her in a perfect painless world, where I don’t have to worry about,  if she is going to get in to the right school, get the right grade, will she wear right clothes, will she choose the right man, more than anything about her salvation. How glorious it will be to see my beautiful child, in the perfect world, behind my savior with an open arm, I can’t wait to get to heaven.

God Bless.